I'm sitting overlooking a city that has become more than just a spot on a map. It has become for me a second home. The small breeze blowing (and believe me, it's small), the smooth, pink sky, and yes, even the flies buzzing in the air, aren't just pictures for me to look at and think of living here one day. I'm living here now. The constant heartbeat of cars and people, moving 24 hours a day drives my energy each day. I no longer walk and feel as if my profile as a foreigner sets me apart from those around me. I've blended in and I move as one with the crowds in the subway and on the streets. I pride myself on giving directions to locals and tourists alike, easily naming streets and transportation routes.
But perhaps the best feeling of all is the sense of complete peace I have with the city. I don't feel like a stranger walking its streets. I'm at home. And so I write this post (a hell of a long time after my last one) to recap what I've been up to, to attempt to capture in words the emotions I feel, and to calm my mind. In one month and one day, I leave this place, to return to the point from which it all started. But before then, I must reflect.
This is for Liza, who has prompted me (and been prompting me for a long time) to write something. I'm sorry that I've delayed so long.
Saint Petersburg is a city everyone knows. As readers of Russian literature, as tourists, as anyone whose looked at a map, we know the name Saint Petersburg (or Leningrad). And while I've found my home here, it is more fitting to say I've found my starting point here. To say you've been to Russia, but have only been to Saint Petersburg is like saying you've tried eating a hamburger but have only tasted the bun. You can't say Paris is France, that New York is America, or that Saint Petersburg is Russia. They are indeed big segments of those countries, but a country is not a city. It's a soul. And a soul lives and moves and its parts are found everywhere. And that is where my journey into Russia began. "INTO" because St. Petersburg is located on Russia's western border. Everything east of it is inside (and north and south of course as well).
And so I set forth. I've visited Pskov, Izborsk, Pechori, The Pushkin Hills, Priozersk, Ekaterinburg, Novosibirsk, Krasnoyarsk, Irkutsk, Angasolka, Kultyk, Khabarovsk, Vladivostok, and Moscow. Fourteen (not including St. Petersburg) cities, towns, and spots on the map of the Russian Federation. You don't hear a lot about these places, they are hidden behind the pictures that we see on the news and that we want to see. I came to Russia in search of truth, or at least more of it, about the Soviet Union, a topic which we are sadly uneducated about in the United States. We say "Evil Empire". Let's look at the town of Priozersk. In this place of 15,000 people (the size of my hometown), there was a furniture factory (making evil chairs no doubt). But with the fall of the Soviet Union and the depression of the 1990s, the factory has slimmed down its work force and the sound of progress in the town has slowed as well. But we rejoiced. Of course, there is a flip side to every coin. Instead of the official flood of news and state opinion, Russia is awash in a sea of information and everyday citizens are reporters, protesters, and advocates for one cause or another. My friends, students like me, go to protests and write. They are working to change their country in the face of many difficulties. This was an even more difficult task during the Soviet Union and the fall of that system allowed for the present day multitude of opinions and causes.
In St. Petersburg and Moscow, I cannot go hungry as long as I have rubles in my pocket. Every street is lined with a small shop or a supermarket, a café, or a restaurant. But in Angasolka for example, a mere dot on the map on Lake Baikal, there is one, small store that sells supplies for the village's inhabitants. I bought some canned corn and juice from there. But I was lucky that day. It was closed the next day or there was simply nothing on the shelves. So when I was hungry, I walked a good hour to the next town (Kulyk) and found a small store there where I bought some bread, cheese, and a beverage (I don't remember what it was now). But beauty there is as abundant as food in the cities. Baikal stretches out before you, reminding you that we are but human, mere guests in nature's realm.
And so I've traveled across Russia. And I've grown to the know the country better and better. But I cannot say that I know everything. There is still so much left to explore. But for know, I comfort myself in knowing that I've seen places and met people that will remain with me for the rest of my life.
Because I am in love.
A relationship is about communication, understanding, patience, openness, care, and honesty. Russia and it's cities that I've visited have taught me each and every one of these. I count them all as dear friends now and hope to see them again soon. I have fallen in love with this country and the people, the language, the culture, the food (but not the politics). It has consumed me and I'm all the better (and happier) for it. The Russians speak of a вторая родина (ftoraya rodeena/second homeland or motherland) and I've found it here. I was born in the US and I'm happy for that (and lucky too), but since coming to Russia, I've found and felt a purpose and feeling deep down inside that I belong here. I didn't just study here, I built a life. I have friends, favorite restaurants, cafés, grocery stores, neighborhoods, cities, jokes, memories.It wasn't study abroad, it was life. I've lived here more than I've ever lived before.
I wrote back in my first post: that "to study Russian and Russia was to study something unique indeed." Those words remain true and I understand that more today than when I typed those letters. I was at that time driven by an interests in Russian politics. And yes, as a political science major is does still interest me today. But Russia is more than just the kremlin in Moscow and the people who speak on international television. Russia is a country with people, each of whom have a unique and fascinating story. And that is where I've found my interest and love directed, towards the people. I want to meet more Russians and learn their stories.
And so I move forward. In a month and one day I return to the U.S. But it won't be a long good-bye to Russia. I know I'll be back in a year. I just need a quick break and then I'll be back at it again.
Now, I just have to make the last month count.
Peace,
Joey
